Oh, heart. Why must you be so treacherous?

I'm not the kind of girl that NEEDS a man around. I can pretty much take care of myself, ya know? It's so unfair. I'm unfair, life is unfair, we're all so unfair to each other. I'm not going to pretend like I still don't have doubts... because there are so many. I've been through sheer hell and back with men. I don't know any happy couples that I can look at and say, "I think both members of that pair seem genuinely, deeply satisfied." I don't have any false pretenses about how I think that to be successful that you have to be a half of a whole, a part of a pair... nothing. I am genuinely fine being single. I'm generally so opposed to coupledom that I don't even like hanging out with other couples. I find them annoying, slightly cut off, always being at least a tiny bit fake to appease the standard of the other.

That being said, this kid, he's got me. I never grow tired of him. I'm not even worried that I will grow tired of him. He's totally fine, just how he is. I'm just scared of me... me screwing it up... my enormous lack of emotional fortitude to hold out for the long haul.

I'm falling asleep in my chair as I'm typing this so I'm going to have to finish it tomorrow. But I wanted to start it before I put it off again. I swear to the almighty powers that I am going to sort this out, in as real and honest a way as I possibly can. Tomorrow.